I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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