Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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