Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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