My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
