He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
