He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
