So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
