Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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