Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
