nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
