Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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