I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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