whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
