Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
