I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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