He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
