I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
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This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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