i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
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