On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
