Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Sorry about my life...
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
