To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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