her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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