You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
