The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
