Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
