the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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