textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
