MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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