dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Let's get the cat blown out
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
