Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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