Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
