My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
