Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
