just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
