New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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