the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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