Do you still have your period?
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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