it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
