How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
