is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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