I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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