Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
