Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
