Only a mothe r could love this liver
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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