Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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