cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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