atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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