Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I want her autograph on my taint
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
