it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros, bitch!
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
