I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
