Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize