no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
