This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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