i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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