You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
