theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
