Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
