Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
