I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
We just shotgunned beers for America
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
