oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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