I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
