dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
