I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
