He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
