Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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