Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
