So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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