Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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