Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
