I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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