i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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