Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
