I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I am naked and annoyed.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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